Mi harem se a plumber was with his boys working on a project installing bathroom facilities in one of the small Southern islands over 2-3 weeks. They set up washing facilities with hot water and the big boss was not amused to see his special classy soap was being used by his boys instead of their soap so instead of raising his voice and screaming at them he quietly gathers them around and says, “I want you to stop using my soap because when you think about it — what is the first thing you wash in the shower? That’s right your face. Now what is the last thing you wash? Your arse so if you grab my soap remember the last place it has been as I wash that last place inside and out. The boys thought about it and the next morning his soap was left untouched. Silip!

Mi harem se extremely volatile weather was seen with a lot of thunder and lightening reported when news circulated about a certain married celebrity performing aerobics on a certain zip line seen erected in an area it was not supposed to be. Zippidy-Doo-Dah’s cable line nearly caused a cyclone to unleash it’s full fury at a gym according to people watching a TV weather report. All very sad. Silip!

Mi harem se a French expat married to a Ni Van took a bus load of kids for a swim at Blue Water last weekend when a cruise ship was in town. Blue Water is a popular attraction owned by Ni Vans. His wife was refused entry by security guards because they were black. Expat says, ‘no they are not, they are mix race’. The guards then say, Oh well that’s ok then.’ God, if a foreigner had said the same thing, all hell would have broke loose. Silip!

Mi harem se the Chinese are renowned for ripping off natural resources in countries they settle in and the same is happening in Vanuatu with the news that hundreds of containers of rosewood are leaving Santo monthly for China with a number of companies in Luganville paying landowners to cut trees down and sell them. Rosewood logs that are worth a fortune in China. You used to be able to purchase Rosewood at a good price but not anymore. Of more concern are reports that customs reportedly intercepted a ship that had docked in Big Bay and raw timber was being loaded on board in vast quantities for export directly to China without wanting to pay customs. Silip!

Mi harem se some expats have gone troppo after being here so many years. One long term resident who applied for citizenship failed the general knowledge test miserably and then was sent home after trying to access the citizenship office wearing a tee shirt and shorts and was told he needed to wear a jacket and long trousers. How time have changed, Retired publisher of Daily Post MNJ is proud of the fact he had interviewed half a dozen Prime Ministers wearing T Shirt, shorts and flip flops. Silip!

Mi harem se the RMS saga isn’t going away as reports circulate of millions of dollars either missing or spent on unbudgeted expenses. The designer of this absurd road beautification saga has done a crap job and RMS are losing money hand over fist, still have only completed 2/3 of the planned works and are 18 months behind schedule.Nobody is happy. Should have given the job to a local company. Silip!

Mi harem se 96 BUZZ FM has gained in popularity since DJ’s were instructed not to play their own songs in their shows and stick to the playlists. Silip!

..and overseas… A welder called Vargus was working in Construction, Repair and Maintenance of Highways in Tselinnoe when he noticed how well a fire extinguisher fits into a decommissioned artillery howitzer. Inspired, he stuffed the fire extinguisher down the barrel... Trained to use the elemental powers of hot plasma, welders are normally not daredevils but Vargus was determined to prove the old adage, ‘There are old welders and bold welders but there are no old, bold welders.’ He charged the cannon with calcium carbide and water, a reactive combination that produces acetylene welding gas...The abused fire extinguisher exploded from the howitzer cannon, and pieces of the payload brained the welder--whose head was conveniently located in the ballistic trajectory of the shrapnel. In a fight between shrapnel and an empty skull, shrapnel wins. Silip!

Incredible stupidity verified in a respected Medical Journal! A 20-year-old man arrived at the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. Abdominal films revealed a radiopaque object in the lower rectum. A spherical radiolucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. Upon questioning, the patient said that he had been fooling around with a close friend. After stirring a batch of concrete mix, the patient laid on his back with his feet up the wall while his friend poured the slurry through a funnel into his rectum. Under general anesthesia, the mass was delivered without incident. Examination of the specimen revealed a perfect concrete cast of the rectum, measuring 12x7x5cm and weighing 275g. A layer of concrete was chipped off the upper part of the specimen revealing a white plastic ping-pong ball--the radiolucency observed in the abdominal x-ray. The cement was an attempt to retrieve a ping pong ball! Blood alcohol level was negative. The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined. Silip!

(14 February 2018, Berlin Germany) A 19-year-old demonstrated spectacular failure at keeping romance alive. He and his soon-to-be-ex were quarreling as they walked along the beautiful Havel River. The frustrated man suddenly shoved the woman into the icy river, jumping in to push her under again and again! But she could swim. He could not... She swam safely to land and quickly recovered from hypothermia. He sank and lost consciousness in the 2°C waters, forever forgetting the quarrel, and was pulled out by water police and transported to Charité Virchow Clinic in Berlin. The attacker fell into a coma, while an arrest warrant was issued against him for attempted murder with malice aforethought. The crime was committed on December 19th, and the perpetrator died on February 14th--an ironic date indeed--from irreversible brain damage. Silip!

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